Estimated installation time – 19 weeks.

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click I’m hoping some of this size is muscle and not fat. I know it has to be! I feel stronger, certain parts look leaner, others just larger. It is a constant mind struggle. I packed a sweater for work and took it to the gym, worked out, showered and then got dressed. Shocked would be the only word to describe my feeling when I put this sweater on. Last year, it was my loose cute red wide turtleneck sweater that looked cute with skinny jeans an boots. This year, it is my extremely fitted, not to be worn again uncomfortable sweater. My arms felt confined all day and I was extremely self conscious. I surely hope people don’t think I don’t know how to dress. Good thing is the stomach part was still loose so the weight is not there! Oh, and then there is my cute black pea coat. It’s adorable – three quarter sleeves, fun buttons. I love it! Yep, cannot raise my arms in it. Did I mention jeans a few months back. My new ones are my only jeans for the year. Oh and my work pants are now short…is this normal? The waste fits, but I feel the quad/hamstring area is tighter and now they are short. So while I am hoping I am growing in the right way, I’m starting to feel puffy and huge. It’s a constant mind struggle. Tomorrow I go to the doctor. I haven’t been there since last summer…before I decided to get into the best shape of my life. I weighed in at 103lb according to my records. I’m honestly not looking forward to the scale tomorrow, but know, yes know this is good. I needed a little size and with all these weights and all this protein I must be gaining some mini muscles in here somewhere. I must take some measurements and see where things are. It’s about time for some progress pictures. I have about a month before I update Julie on my progress and we plan the spring season. And of course this mental struggle comes the same week I get to go see an amazing body building show, full of lean athletes!  I hope I am on the right track…but inside my head I am a multi personality figure competitor – a constant dialogue inside my head, convincing myself that even though I spent the first 29 years of my life trying to maintain my small shape, that right now, my goal is not to maintain that small shape, it is to develop and sculpt an amazing physique, with perfect proportion and defined muscles. I’d rather have muscles then a number on a scale. Like it says…Installing muscles…please wait. (Muscle installation better be complete by March 16!)