I’m struggling with words this morning. That’s a rare occasion with me. I’ve found myself feeling burdened the past few months over a job that I’m in the hiring process for. It’s the job I’ve wanted for over 6 years now, and the opening is in the exact city that my heart is drawn to. You could say this job is “my Harvard”. To me there is nothing that could top it at this point in my life. I’ve been through the Firefighter hiring process a numerous amount of times and I’ve always had the thought process of “I’ve done my part. I’ve passed the tests. I gave my best interview I possibly could. The rest is in God’s hands. If this is where He wants me to be then I’ll get the job, If not then I’ll keep trying else where”. That was easy for me to do because truthfully deep down, I knew the job is what I wanted but it wasn’t the location I wanted to live. So God saying no was almost a relief. Well, I don’t want Him to say no this time, and I found myself scared it was gonna happen again. So here I was this morning fretting over the decision to start another hiring process in another city next weekend. I don’t want to take this test. I’ve started this process over 6 times and I want the job I’m in the middle of trying for now to be “IT”. If I take this written test this coming Friday the timeline for hire begins now and doesn’t end until June 2013. It’s a long process and its stressful. Believe me, I know this process well. In the midst of this decision, I’m asking a friend for advice, and she is fantastic and gave me wonderful words, but something was telling me to go read my devotion from yesterday that’s sitting in my gmail inbox. I open my email and the title was “Lifting the Weight of Our Burdens” and the scripture was Matthew 11:28-30 28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” I immediately tried to hold back my smile as I bit my bottom lip hard and continued to read the genius words of one Charles Stanley “Throughout life, we all bear many burdens. Some may concern everyday things like finances or relationships, but we might also feel overwhelmed about future unknowns. These can weigh us down to the point of exhaustion if we do not handle them biblically.” This was definitely one of my infamous moments where, I let my lip free, I smiled to the heavens, and said “okay okay, Lord, I get it”. I immediately dropped down to my knees and gave my situation over to God. He gave me the brain to pass the written test, He gave me the physical strength to pass the Physical Agility Test. He’ll provide the words to say if I make it to the oral interview. I can thank Him from the depths of my heart for every opportunity I’ve had in the past, for every test I’ve taken and for every one I’ve passed. I was never not given the job due to my failures, but because God has other plans for me. And every “no” I have received so far I’ve been able to say “thank you Lord. I know this isn’t where you want me.” I don’t give up because one day HE will say “YES, ERIN. THIS IS WHERE I WANT YOU!” Until then, I can sit back and reflect on my last 4 years and know God has been prepping me mentally, physically, and spiritually for that job He wants to bless me with. I’m gonna give 100% where I am now, and work for Him at every job he places me in. That’s the job I get up for at 5am, the job as daughter, the job as friend, and the job as being a light for Him in this world. I do hope I get this job, I hope what I want is what God wants for me, if not, I will be thankful and move on knowing He has greater plans for me.
The reason I write these blogs is purely bc I believe that if I’m struggling with something, there is someone out there that is struggling with the same or related issues. To those of you this applies to, Give your situation over to God and rest in knowing you are in His hands. Stop waiting to exhale and do it now.
